it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Couch. On fire.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
