Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
