he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
