his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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