You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
