I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
