you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
