After last night, I could never be a politician.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
