Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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