why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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