i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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