He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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