Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
