it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize