They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
