your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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