Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Even the bartender felt bad for me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize