I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
