My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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