i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
