Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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