I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
