the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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