I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
