She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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