You work out of a Hotel?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
