Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
