I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have tasted many bathrooms
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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