i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
