Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
