At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
