woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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