I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
