Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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