i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
