May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
