yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
