there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
