My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
