ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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