I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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