I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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