We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
