Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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