problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
