I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
