Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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