i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
