Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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