WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize