I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
