someone threw a dead crab at me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
