I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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