He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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