Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
