I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
