Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
