i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
