haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
