wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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