Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
