I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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