my vag is so smooth its legendary
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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