Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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