New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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