I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
