You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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